The Setup

After stomping around the galaxy with sexy space vampires, Killer Klowns, and Colonial Marines, we decided to come down to earth a bit and focus on villains a bit more close to home. Creepy, crawley, antennae wiggling every which way, we thought we’d hit the perrenial B-movie paranoia favorite: BUGS. However, we’re not sticking with just insects, we’re also throwing arachnids into the mix. Hell, if they’re interchangeable to the producers, why not us?

Spurred on by fears of nuclear radiation, global environment change, or anything that has more than two legs, Killer insect movies have been around for years. Hitting their stride in the 1950’s, a great time for creature features, Killer bug movies were typically of the singular variety of:

Giganicus Insecticus

(Tarantula, THEM!, and Mosquito)

Ranging from 50 feet tall (Them!) to bigger than a small office building (Mothra 1961),  these bastards are usually created by some scientific experiment gone awry or other mercurial mutenagenic mishap. With the exception of the giant japanese moth, these creatures are driven by a singular biological need: EAT YOUR FACE.

But as time went on, fears of nuclear holocaust subsided and news reports of Africanized Bees grew, which gave leave to the shifting to movies featuring:

Swarms

(The Swarm, Killer Bees,  and Arachnophobia)

While sometimes slightly larger than normal, these buggers tend to be homegrown by one pissed off Mother named “Nature”. Often found in remote amazonian jungles or deep underground, these insects too are driven by similar biological needs to their ginormous cousins, though relying on superior numbers for their lethal impact.  The bee varieties are less of the eaty variety of Face mutilation. That’s right, they STING YOUR FACE.

The Formula

Wether of the Giant or Swarm variety, Killer Insect/Arachnid movies tend to stick to fairly strict formulas. There’s the mysterious deaths that lead to the discovery of a bizzarre creature that sends all the scientists in the picture into an expositry tizzy of explanations and plans. Next there will be the initial failed assaults upon the monstrous masticating entomos that do little more than piss them off (and in some cases make the overall problem worse), followed by some scenes of pandamonium, chaos, and occasionally: Nudity (often paired with pandamonium and chaos). Eventually, the foul little (or not so little) beasties will be purged, usually by fire or explosion.

The Menu

The Booze: Bug Juice and Jitterbugs

For the second month in a row, we focussed more on buying our liquor by color than anything else. Bug juice is simply another name for Kool Aid, so spike it with vodka or something and you’re fairly much set. We threw in some Jello shots, because…well…we really liked them last month!

The Food: Gummi Worms and various other gummi goodness.

We were fortunate in that one of our guests were able to come with a giant licorice tarantula. Other than that, you could always go with chocolate-covered grasshoppers. Though we didn’t…ick.

The Movies

Starship Troopers (1997): A box-office smash that has spawned 2 direct-to-DVD sequels, this Paul Verhoven “epic” hasn’t exactly aged well. However, it’s aliens and bugs, so it served as a great bridge. But how well does it really fit into the Cavalcade?

Bug (1975): Killer cockroaches that make fires. Yes, you read that right. Throw in a little mad science near the  end, and you get hyper-intelligent killer cockroaches that make fires. You know what? We get some weird damn movies.

Eight Legged Freaks (2002): Giant spiders, cat abuse, and a cameo by Tom Noonan. This little comedy/horror fusion has been largely overlooked by just about everybody. We thought it deserved a look-see.

Suggested Alternatives

There are plenty killer insect/spider movies out there, and most of them share a singular thing in common: They suck the wet moose. We’ve already referenced most of the really well-known movies above, so we’ll throw one more on the pile: Empire of the Ants. This is one of the more popular of the cheesy giant ant pictures, and seeing as how they’re the most memorable of the killer insect movies, we really should have has one of them. Want more? Oh, alright then: There’s always the various and sundry versions of The Fly (though they are more mad scientist movies than part of the “bug” formula) to choose from. Go with the ones with II at the end, they tend to be chock full of schlocky suck.