The Setup

It was such a simple idea. Easter weekend, a six-pack, and some zombie movies. No friends. No party.  Just me.

My, how things change. The solo zombie fest quickly turned into a  gathering, which led to another one the next month with Werewolves.  Before long, we had a rotating crew of regulars, an informal set of guidelines and rules, a website, merchandise, and a name.  Now it’s been a full year since the first Cavalcade event, and it’s time to look back at what a fantastic 12 months  it was..

A few stats:

As we dove through the bowels of the the creature features that became our theme for the year, we learned an awful lot about what kinds of movies were out there. From the cheap-yet-fun exploitation flick to the truly morally bankrupt slasher, we’ve managed to see some of the best and worst the bargain bin at the video store had to offer. Eventually like Goldilocks, we learned to recognize that the films fell into 3 categories.

Party-Suckingly bad

(The Fallen Ones, Silent Night, Deadly Night, Evil Breed: The Legend of Samhain)

These movies just suck. There’s no two ways around it.  Sure they’re mockable, but they are also so god-awful that they’re depressing. Where other movies know they suck and therefore push through the laughable premise in record speed, in order to maximize commercial blocks for eventual airing on the Sci-Fi channel, and to save whatever’s left of your gray matter; These movies seemingly drag on for ages, eventually driving some of our conservative members to drink.

In other cases, they are simply repugnant. Silent Night, Deadly Night and Evil Breed were both so disgustingly awful that our audience was actually angry watching them. Not good for the vibes, and not good for the spirit. The risky path one treads when watching these movies.

Party-Suckingly good

(Halloween, The Howling, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust)

They were creepy, atmospheric, deliberately paced, and ultimately… the wrong choice for an energetic ribald evening of b-movie watching. These movies were rare, but happened often enough that we learned what worked and what didn’t.

Rocksauce Awesome

(Lifeforce, Godzilla: Final Wars, Jack Frost)

These were the ultra-rare elites of the B-movie experience. These were the movies that were fast-paced enough that we didn’t get bored, yet provided enough content for us to, at times, bring ourselves to tears with laughter. In the case of Lifeforce, we had to turn on the subtitles to get any idea of what was being said, simply because we were all laughing to hard. Godzilla had people high-fiving each other and cheering as if they were at a wrestling event.

The Formula

There were other movies that individuals loved,  of course. Ghostbusters was a blast,  and a good number enjoyed Bubba Ho-Tep. But it wasn’t a Cavalcade worthy movie without the perfect mixture of god-awful, brisk pacing, and viewer commentary. Sometimes it was a silly premise (Naked Space Vampires), and other times it was the sheer over-the-top nature of the thing (25 monsters, an alien species, AND a planet of FIRE hurtling towards Earth). Whatever magic chemistry that came together, it typified the best of the drive-in community film-going experience we were looking for.

The Menu

The things one has consumed to remain true to our mission. We’ve had everything from Moon Pies and Bloody Mary’s to Jello shots and spiked egg nog in order to match themes with drinks and/or snacks. Giant Monsters sparked Giant Subs, while Mummies had Pigs in  a Blanket (a match all the attendees grasped before we did). Some matches fit the themes better than others, such as the aforementioned werewolf  Moon Pies, but it wouldn’t be the Cavalcade if we didn’t at least try.

The Movies

For the big number 12, we decided to go with a “Greatest Hits” theme. On top of that: We rented out an art gallery in order to showcase our special brand of movie watching. With a digital projector in tow, we’re coming ever closer to our goal of replicating a drive-in experience!  Both of these films have been mentioned above, and since our group has grown spectacularly since our first showing,  many of our current regulars never saw these films the first time around. With new lifeblood, comes new jokes, so here goes:

Lifeforce (1985): What can we say? Tobe Hooper attempts to reinvent the Alien Invador, Vampire, and Zombie Genres; and only manages to make a campy cult classic that has great production values. Naked Space Vampires, HO!  Seriously: you can’t mention this movie without saying that at least once.

Godzilla: Final Wars: Words cannot BEGIN to describe how perfect a choice this film is. Throwing in every reference from Power Rangers and the Matrix, to Armegeddon and the X-Men, this film is so over the top, it can’t even see the bottom.

Sermons have been given to bask in it’s glory. Trust us: Nothing else even comes close.

Suggested Alternatives

It was rough sorting through the movies of the past twelve months, and figuring out which should be shown in our double feature. One of the toughest contenders was the first film we ever showed, Return of the Living Dead, which made it to the finals of our discussion. A recent event showcase, Jack Frost, was also considered, but didn’t make the cut. Simply put, we chose the best. That’s why it’s a “Greatest Hits”.

Special Note:

Due to the nature of the event, celebrating as we are the birth of the Cavalcade and all that goes with it, we are actually hosting our event at a local art gallery. Details can be found on the event’s Facebook page.