Gentle readers, let me ask you: “You down with O.P.P.?”

Before you respond, allow me to clarify: I am not quoting the ever-so-catchy Naughty by Nature song from 1991. No, I want to know if you’re down with other people’s poop. Because, if you’re not, Director Tom Six’s The Human Centipede may not be for you.

And if you are…dear God, why?

Anyway.

American tourists Jenny (Ashlynn Yennie) and Lindsay (Ashley C. Williams) are enjoying a vacation in Germany until they get lost in the woods (literally) and seek refuge in the home of Dr. Josef Heiter (Dieter Laser). Dr. Heiter is a world-renowned expert at separating conjoined twins.  However, at some point between his retirement and the beginning of the film, he went irretrievably insane and now is more interested in creating conjoined twins. Thus, it was Dr. Heiter’s good fortune that two potential portions for his pet project fell into his lap.

There is no getting around the premise of the film.  As Dr. Heiter explains to the girls and soon-to-be lead portion, Katsuro (Akihiro Kitamura), in specific detail-he will surgically mutilate and then attach each of them mouth to anus to form one disgusting creature. Why? Because he’s crazy!

What’s worse is that he actually performs the surgery. That’s right, The Human Centipede is not a film that jokes around, or merely hints at what could be. No, the title of the film is The Human Centipede and, by gum, Tom Six gives you a human centipede! But then the story continues for another 45 minutes! Over the course of which the audience learns that, while being part of a human centipede is one of the most disgusting ideas put on film, it is not the worst thing that could happen to you.

One difficulty in watching the picture, other than keeping your last meal down, is that it’s difficult for the audience to sympathize with these girls. One does sympathize, of course, because no one should go through even half the things that happen here. However, Six could have tried to make these girls a bit more competent in horror movie survival. Think back to every horror film you’ve watched. Combine all the of the mistakes characters make, and you’ve got these two girls. Getting out of the car on a deserted road on a rainy night, wandering in the woods with a flashlight, going back in the house instead of running for help, hiding in a corner, not checking what’s in your drink, and-worst of all-not running in the opposite direction when a scary/Germani/Mengele/Christopher Walken opens the door.

Dieter Laser is the real find here. Having the burden of about 60% of the dialogue all by himself (it’s hard to talk with a mouthful of…yeah) and competing with one of the more striking visuals in recent horror movie history, Laser commands the audience’s attention at all times. He’s creepily fascinating and cannot wait to see him in future films.

The Human Centipede is an impressive picture. Aside from some minor pacing issues in the second half and the overall brutally disgusting subject matter. It delivers exactly what it says it will, and is far more interesting that I ever thought it would be. That said, I can’t think of a person I’d recommend it to, and would require a signed and notarized consent and waiver before I show it to anyone.

Over the years, I’ve noticed there’s often a pair of movies with essentially the same plot, premiering within a year of each other: Wyatt Earp (1994)/Tombstone (1993) and Deep Impact (1999)/Armageddon (1999) ,to name a few.  In the summer of 2010, movie-going audiences will be treated to three films about spec-ops teams (that “happen” to be the best of the best). Betrayed, the teams leave their government duties behind to take on a suicide mission with personal significance.  Director Sylvain White’s The Losers holds the distinction of being first out of the gate before The A-Team (2010) and The Expendables (2010).

Based on the DC Comics book of the same name, Clay (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) and his unit have been betrayed by the evil CIA super handler Max (Jason Patric ), and are believed to be dead.  With the help of mysterious femme brutale, Aisha (Zoe Saldana), Clay sets out on a plan to take down Max and reclaim their identities.  This is as complicated as the film ever gets.  Luckily, The Losers has more than enough colorful characters to distinguish itself from every other paramilitary action flick on the market.

Jason Patric’s Max is the type of villain we used to enjoy in the older Bond films.  He has plans for catastrophic destruction that will strengthen the U.S. while making him a sizable amount of money.  All the while, Patric brings a creepy, business executive quality that is never unentertaining.  Contrasting this is Idris Elba’s Roque, the standard tough guy.  It almost felt like a shame, since I know Elba has the ability to make the character much more interesting.  But I can’t complain because Elba playing a tough guy is still Elba playing a tough guy.

I hadn’t seen or heard of Columbus Short or Oscar Jaenada before, and was pleasantly surprised with their ability to command attention.  Jaenada especially, since his character doesn’t really speak. Chris Evans, however, totally steals the show as Jensen.  Between the outrageous t-shirts and inspired moments of nerdy awkwardness, I never got tired of him.

Action-wise, there are very few dull moments.  White paces the film well by interspersing explosions, gunfights, sex-fights, and accidental murders, with punchy Oceans Eleven -esque dialogue.  However, the movie does not provide any real surprises and follows the textbook action movie format, almost to a fault. But it’s still a fun time and holds up well.  It almost does a perfect job adapting the comic book, even covering what is essentially the first story arc collected in the trade paperback “Ante Up.” I appreciated the attention to detail in plotting and the arranging of specific shots from the comic.

Unfortunately, as mentioned above, the ending takes a more typical “Hollywood” tract, and thus avoids the more interesting and thought-provoking commentary on the military-industrial complex that writer Andy Diggle infused throughout the comic series-but who needs thinking when there are sweet explosions!

For those interested:

We’re finally gonna kill him now! This is it! This is the last one! Yes sirree!

Hahahaha…heh, sure it is.

Set in the “future” year of 1999, ten years have passed since the events of A Nightmare on Elm St. 5: The Dream Child (1989) and Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund) has been busy. “John Doe” (Shon Greenblatt) is the last Springwood teen left, and the adults have gone bat-shit insane as a result.  John escapes Springwood only to be thrown into a youth shelter that employs Maggie Burroughs (Lisa Zane), who just happens to be Freddy’s long lost daughter!  Through Maggie, Freddy will be able to escape the confines of the population of Springwood’s dreamers and kill children everywhere!  Unless Maggie and Doc (Yaphet Kotto!) can stop him.

Looks like this is a job for 3-D glasses!

In directing what could theoretically have been the last Elm St. movie, Rachel Talalay did not make a horror film.  No, this is straight comedy.  Let’s take a look at our hero, Freddy Krueger.  Among other things, Freddy dresses as the Wicked Witch of the West , plays nightmare victim video games, rockets a house into space, prances around a deaf man, and sets up a bed of spikes like Wile E. Coyote .  Freddy has turned into Bugs Bunny, which, in its own way, is highly entertaining.  Scary?  Not in the least, but he’s a lot of fun to watch.

One of the more fascinating aspects of the film is the townspeople of Springwood.  Living through the mysterious and violent deaths of all of their children has driven them quite mad. Making cameos as two of the hysterical parents are Roseanne and Tom Arnold !  Remember them?  Exactly. The town holds town fairs, conduct history classes and run orphanages as if the kids are still there, all the while terrified at the mere mention of Freddy’s name.  This was developed further to great effect in Freddy vs. Jason (2003) .

The climax of the film featured the much hyped 3-D sequence where the audience joins Maggie as she dons 3-D glasses to venture into Freddy’s head, go down memory lane,  pull Freddy out of the nightmare where he is vulnerable and then have the titanic battle between good and evil!  Those of you keeping score might recall that this was the entire plan in the original picture. Apparently, the step Nancy skipped was 3-D glasses.  Sigh.  The sequence was apparently designed by the same geniuses behind Friday the 13^th: 3-D (1982), complete with pointless hand gestures toward the audience and random, creepy “Dream Demons” flying out of the screen.  Not being allowed to see the film in the theater, I hear it was… “exciting.”

As with everything else in the film, what starts with the promise of graphic violence ends with a joke.  After a mediocre fight between Freddy and Maggie,  Freddy’s (supposed) last word  (when facing his impending “death by pipe bomb imbedded in chest” is “Kids” right into the camera as he explodes into 3-D goo.  A lame ending for lackluster sequel.  The film works as a comedy but not as a horror flick and, mercifully, not as the last Nightmare on Elm Street film.   Though Alice Cooper’s turn as Freddy’s foster father and Johnny Depp’s heartfelt anti-drug PSA are entertaining.

Oh, and the Iggy Pop montage of the whole series over the credits is incredible.

I’m going to level with you guys:  Black Dynamite may, in fact, be the greatest movie ever made, and thus, the following review will not do it any sort of justice.  Much like The Matrix (1999), no one can be told what Black Dynamite is, you have to see it for yourself.

Directed and co-written by Scott Sanders, Black Dynamite is a hilarious movie, and the parts that aren’t funny are totally badass…and the parts that aren’t badass, are even MORE BADASS.  Yeah, it’s like that.  A send-up of the Blaxploitation films of the ’70s, it could easily be compared to Keenan Ivory Wayans’ I’m Gonna Git You Sucka! (1988) .  But while Wayans’ film is also rooted in the Blaxploitation genre, it’s really in the style of the Zucker Bros. parodies like Airplane! (1980) and The Naked Gun (1988). Black Dynamite on the other hand, turns Blaxploitation conventions and clichés up to 11, goes beyond mere parody, and in turn becomes the purest Blaxploitation film ever.

Michael Jai White stars as the titular Black Dynamite, the baddest mofo in the history of bad mofos.  When he isn’t running his nightclub, pimping hos, avenging his brother Jimmy’s death, protecting the weak, or simultaneously sexually satisfying three women at once; he does what he does best: TAKE IT TO THE MAN! This time, though, he’s got his work cut out for him.  In under 90 minutes, Black Dynamite has to clean up the streets, exact bloody vengeance, protect a foxy female force for change in the community, thwart a government plot to shrink black mens’ pride and joy and, as mentioned above, stick it to The Man.  While it’s a good thing Black Dynamite also just happens to be “the greatest CIA agent the CIA ever had in the history of the CIA,” it’s fortunate he’ll also have some help from an assortment of a few of the goofiest of Black militants and baddass pimps (including Arsenio Hall and Bokeem Woodbine)!

The driving force behind the whole picture is Michael Jai White.  It was his vision and utter commitment to badassery that makes this film a sheer joy to watch.  You’ve loved him in such films as Spawn (1997), Universal Soldier: The Return (1999) , both The Toxic Avenger II (1989) and III (1989) , and The Dark Knight (2008) .  Can we all just agree that he’s the man already?  Or at the very least, can you all go out and watch the highly underrated Thick as Thieves (1998)?  It’s also directed by Scott Sanders, and is the best low-budget crime flick I’ve seen that didn’t have a “written by Elmore Leonard” credit. However, you should definitely check out Black Dynamite first…

…and do not interrupt his Kung Fu.

The trick to reinvigorating an older franchise is taking the old concept and adding boatloads of new stuff. Batman Begins (2005) and Star Trek (2009) ideas, and approaches. There’s no sense in making the same films over again since video allows them to be watched by new generations. (Yes, being an avid fan of horror sequels, I am completely aware of the irony of that). To be successful, one has to reboot rather than remake. Thus, while Sam Bayer’s 2010 remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street tries to add some new ideas, it relies too much on the original film and does not improve upon it.

Nancy Holbrook’s (Rooney Mara) been having terrible….wait, no. Dean Russell’s (Kellan Lutz ) been having terrible nightmares about a burned man in a red and green sweater named Freddy (Jackie Earle Haley); well, at least until Freddy kills him in the pre-title sequence. Then, Kris Fowles (Katie Cassidy) is having nightmares for the next half hour until, well…you know. Finally, halfway through the film, our real protagonist is revealed to be Nancy after all.

Nancy and would-be love interest Quentin Smith (Kyle Gallner) soon discover the history they share with Freddy Krueger’s other victims: they attended the preschool where Freddy was custodian, and accused of gettin’ touchy with the kids; prompting their parents to do the only sensible thing: hunt him down and burn him alive. Feeling somewhat wronged, Freddy’s brutally murdering all of these children in their dreams unless Nancy and Quentin can determine what really happened at the preschool.

As a horror movie this isn’t a bad picture. Sure, the characters are fairly generic; if you’ve seen the earlier recent horror remakes of Friday the 13th (2009) or One Missed Call (2008) , then you are familiar with all the stereotypes. Of course, this makes it difficult for the audience when the narrative wanders aimlessly for the first 45 minutes. Granted, horror movies aren’t known for their character depth, but this series has always made the effort to make their cannon fodder just a wee bit more identifiable… before they’re summarily eviscerated. or

An interesting addition is the conceit of insomnia causing spontaneous “mirco-naps,” Freddy is no longer bound to normal sleep patterns, he can now seemingly appear anytime, anywhere-provided the teenager has been up for 3 days straight. Staying up any longer can lead to irreversible comas., tying into the larger mystery plot, which doesn’t really work as the audience already knows that the killer is Freddy Krueger.

While stylish, the remake doesn’t hold a candle to the original, which was genuinely creepy and before it got fucking scary. Wes Craven created tension and mood before delivering the horrific violence. This film adheres to the “new school” of horror: quiet, quiet, quiet, LOUD NOISE! It doesn’t really work after the audience recognizes the pattern. Bayer attempts to recreate certain death scenes, but fails to even match the Tina (Amanda Wyss ) death from the original, let alone improve upon it.

But the unforgivable sin here is the handling of Nancy.

Nancy Thompson (Heather Langenkamp) was possibly the greatest final girl ever. After being stalked and victimized, she hunts Freddy (Robert Englund ) down and takes the fight to him. Conversely, Rooney Mara’s Nancy looks like a stiff wind would knock her over, and she has to rely on Quentin throughout. Nancy’s trademark inner-strength is nowhere to be found, which is a shame since these teens need all the help they can get against Jackie Earle Haley’s malevolent and spiteful Freddy. Haley, by the bye, knocks it out of the park, mixing in the traditional gallows humor, though played down. Haley brings an anger not seen in the previous films, which is an interesting perspective.

Here’s is the one legitimate complaint about Haley’s turn as Freddy: he’s really short.

Overall, the film is not as disappointing as I thought it would be. While not as memorably disturbing as Wes Craven’s original, it does set the stage for future, to which I look forward. The series just needs to move into more original territory and create new nightmares. installments

Having survived Freddy Krueger’s (Robert Englund) assault in A Nightmare on Elm St. 4: The Dream Master (1988) , Alice (Lisa Wilcox) and Dan (Dan Hassel) are graduating with their new friends (read: cannon fodder) and have put all of that unpleasantness behind them.  Unfortunately, Freddy has other plans and has figured out a way to return through Alice and Dan’s unborn child!

Yeah.

You’ll have to watch the film to learn whether or not love, goodness and the weakest Deus Ex Machina since A Nightmare on Elm St 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985) will prevail.

In interviews, director Stephen Hopkins explained that by number 4, the powers that be at New Line Cinema decided that Freddy Krueger had become too comical and that this installment should be a return to the darker tone of the original film.  I only bring this up to point out how miserably Hopkins and Co. failed in that endeavor.

This is the weakest film of the series, which is not a surprise considering that Freddy is at his weakest.  His facial make-up design makes him look bad, even for him.  Combine that with the odd, over-long limbs, a random wetsuit sweater, and “Super Freddy” – you have a recipe for disaster.

Hopkins bucks quite a few trends in 80s horror from starting the film with a sex scene to having “Art-House-y” chalk opening credits and not making his film scary.  Though there is some truly bizarre, memorable imagery to be found such as the recreation of the circumstances surrounding Freddy’s conception and Alice willing Freddy out of her body.  Trust me, it looks just as weird as it sounds.

This installment “boasts” one of the lower bodycounts of the entire series.  However, though the quantity is low, the quality is quite high.  Hopkins makes full use of the reality or lack there of in the series creating some of the most bizarre death scenes.  Take Dan’s death.  After being thrown out of his truck, Dan gets on a motorcycle to race to Alice’s rescue.  However, along the way, Freddy merges Dan’s body with his motorcycle a la David Cronenberg’s Videodrome (1983) .  Alice’s comic book reading friend, Mark (Joe Seeley) finds himself the only thing in color in an entirely black and white world and bravely tries to kill “Super Freddy” before being turned into a two-dimensional drawing and shredded.  Meanwhile, hopeful model Greta (Erika Anderson) is force-fed her own innards in a binge gone horribly wrong.

These sequences are immensely creative, which feel wasted amidst such a lackluster story.  For all of Hopkins’ efforts, it’s a goofy, scareless affair which has no real identify other than being “the boring one.”

After the large critical and commercial success of A Nightmare on Elm St. 3: The Dream Warriors (1987), New Line Cinemas did what every creative and innovative movie studio does: they tried to make the same exact movie all over again!

The Dream Master is the second in a three part movie set within the overall series.  This review will have spoilers from The Dream Warriors, so fair warning.  The film opens with the three remaining Dream Warriors having transferred back to sane living at Springwood High School.  Kristen Parker (Tuesday Knight, taking over for Patricia Arquette ) has the sneaking suspicion that Freddy (Robert Englund) is coming back.  Surprising no one, he does, and proceeds to kill all three of our returning characters.

Wait, what?

That’s right, director Renny Harlin pulls a Psycho (1960) and kills the heroine halfway through the film.  Enter Alice (Lisa Wilcox), stage left.  Alice daydreams entirely too much, accidentally pulling her friends into her nightmares, making them convenient fodder for Freddy.  As Freddy kills his way through Alice friends, she gains their dream powers, thereby becoming strong enough to stop Freddy once and for all.  We hope.

NoES 4 was the most commercially successful of the original six NoES films.  Harlin stripped down the story and characters to the barest of essentials, added lighting effects the likes of which would make Joel Schumacher envious, and injected more goofy humor in Freddy.  Though Freddy is still performing terrible acts, he’s not particularly scary in this film.  And how could he be?  He’s wearing Wayfarers, dressing in drag, eating pizza made of people, appearing on postcards, and being resurrected by flammable dog piss (has to be seen to be believed).  Worse still, upon rewatching the film for this review, I noticed that the majority of Freddy’s scenes are not only brightly lit, more often than not he’s in direct sunlight!

And yet this installment is genuinely not one of the “bad” NoES films even though it does feature the third silliest method of dispatch Freddy.  Mirrors!  Who knew?  There is a high body count, well-paced murder scenes, grotesque imagery like the souls pulling themselves out of Freddy’s body (the only thing worse than seeing the sequence is seeing the behind the scenes explanation) and Freddy does the worst. Thing. Ever.

Debbie (Brooke Theiss ) is the last of Alice’s friends to die in the film.  Debbie’s identifying character traits are a love of body-building and a hatred of insects.  As a result, spoiler»

What saves the film is that it’s genuinely entertaining.  The Dream Master is essentially the Summer Action Romp version of an Elm St. picture that features solid performances from Englund and Wilcox, and some truly terrifying imagery.

Freddy breaks both of her arms, replaces them with cockroach legs, rips off her skin, revealing a full cockroach body underneath and then crushes her.  I’ve only gone into such detail because the sequence is still astonishingly cruel and graphic.  And Debbie was barely a main character!  (Incidentally, Mezco ‘s Cinema of Fear action figure line features a toy based on Half-Roach Debbie.)Powered by Hackadelic Sliding Notes 1.6.4

Movie adaptations of comic books are tricky. Things that work in comics do not always work in film, and vice versa.  As a result, changes need to be made appropriately.  Filmmakers have to weigh the value of faithfulness to the source against creating a stronger film.   Like Zack Snyder’s adaptation of Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ Watchmen (2009), Matthew Vaughn’s adaptation of Mark Millar and John Romita, Jr.’s Kick-Ass primary weakness as a film is how well it adapts the story from the comic book.

Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) is an average American teen, mildly bored with life and reader of comic books.  Dave decides to make his life more meaningful by getting involved in his community, helping out at homeless shelters, joining extra-curricular programs at school, and working up the nerve to talk to girls.  Wait… no, that would be an appropriate response.  No, Dave goes the saner route of buying a SCUBA outfit, and fighting crime as the superhero, Kick-Ass.

Shockingly, on his first real patrol, Dave is stabbed and run over by a car.

After “months of healing” are over, Dave goes right back out and fights crime again-albeit more successfully-and is broadcast on YouTube.  Kick-Ass becomes a sensation, inspiring a father and daughter vigilante team to also don super-hero costumes as Hit-Girl (Chloe Moretz) and Big Daddy (Nicholas Cage), who go on a mission to destroy local mob boss, Frank D’Amico (Mark Strong )-enlisting Kick-Ass to help…with graphically violent results.

Like the original comic book, the film’s tone is uneven at best.  At varying points, the film is about the realities of trying to be a vigilante, dealing with high school awkardness, an epic revenge drama, a shoot ‘em up, a commentary on fame and mass media, a satire of super-hero films, a mob film, and an absurdist comedy.  While Vaughn’s strong visual sense makes the film a pleasure to watch, and the film is at no point boring, the constant shifting between various genres left the film with no real identity.  Which in Vaughn’s defense, is very faithful to the comic book.

Also faithful to the comic, Kick-Ass is actually the least interesting character.  At minimum, he needs to anchor the ludicrous story of Hit-Girl, Big Daddy, and Frank D’Amico.  In the comic book, Dave’s constant narration provides this anchor.  Unfortunately, in the film, he becomes lost in his own story, struggling to keep up with the other personalities on screen. This is not a shock considering the acting talent he’s up against. Nicholas Cage, as always, delivers an interesting performance combining his normal insanity with more than a little nod to Adam West.  Mark Strong demonstrates that he possesses probably the best American accent in all of England.

Then there’s Chloe Moretz.

Moretz steals the show playing an 11-year-old, unstoppable engine of violence.  Her least disturbing aspect is her foul mouth.  Much, much worse is how she brutally dismembers at least thirty armed mob enforcers.  Granted, the audience won’t feel bad for the guys getting killed, but when it’s a cute little girl, it’s at the very least…disconcerting.  The most amusing audience reaction to Hit-Girl was when someone finally managed to hit her.  Everyone was shocked and horrified that the little girl got kicked in the face.  You know, after she spent the better part of the film lopping people’s legs off and crushing them in hydraulic presses, I may be jaded.

Overall, Kick-Ass is an intriguing addition to the growing library of super-heroes on film.  It’s visually gripping, action-packed, and entertaining; and while it’s not a “realistic” portrayal of what someone trying to be a super-hero in real life like Mark Millar said it would be, it does have a sweet jetpack. If nothing else, he doesn’t call the audience assholes at the end for reading his comics.

What does a production company do after it follows it’s breakout hit horror film with an introspective look at a young man’s homosexual awakening? (Link) Well if you’re producer Robert Shaye, you go back to well!  Chuck Russell’s 1987 film A Nightmare on Elm Street part 3: The Dream Warriors features the return of subjective reality, a high body count, both Nancy (Heather Langenkamp) and Donald Thompson (John Saxon), and-most importantly-women!

Kristin Parker (Patricia Arquette) is having, you guessed it, sleeping problems to the point where it appears to her negligent mother (Brooke Bundy) that Kristin’s trying to kill herself.  Little does she understand is that Freddy’s (Robert Englund) back once again to terrorize the teens on Elm Street.  Little does Freddy understand is that when teens are trapped in a mental ward because of their group psychosis, said teens will unionize!  Under Nancy’s leadership, the troubled teens of Elm Street learn that they each have a unique “dream power” that can be used against Freddy.  But will it be enough to send Krueger back to hell?  Well, no, but luckily psychologist Neil Gordon (Craig Wasson) is armed with holy water and a crucifix.  Wait, isn’t that for…?  Nevermind, he seems confident enough.

It’s hard to overstate the importance of this installment of the NoES series.  Dream Warriors is essentially the Goldfinger (1964) of Freddy films in that it solidified the formula that would define every film to follow.  It introduced the “one defining character trait/ironic death” motif, the dream power, Freddy’s control over the dream setting, the opening quotes, and the bizarre methods of death.  Dream Warriors also brought back the gimmick of Freddy killing people in a manner that was explainable in the real world, thus throwing suspicion off him.  Because blaming a dead man that murders people through dreams is completely plausible.

The death scenes in this installment are grotesque.  The artery-strings on Phillip (Bradley Gregg) still make me cringe.  Whereas Taryn’s (Jennifer Rubin ) track mark mouths are simply wrong.  And then there’s Dick Cavett.  Dick Cavett attacks Zsa Zsa Gabor with Freddy’s glove.  You can’t mock that.

Equally important is the defining of the Freddy character.  After two films, Freddy is now in the spotlight.  He’s using superpowers and cracking the jokes that audiences would identify with him forever after.  Also important, the “soul chest” is shown for the first time, explaining how Freddy gains his evil powers and stores the souls of his victims.

Except for A New Nightmare (1994) and Freddy vs. Jason (2003), every subsequent film follows the Dream Warriors mold.  And with good reason, Dream Warriors is just a good horror film, the result of great filmmakers like Chuck Russell, Frank Darabont and Wes Craven working together to make THE 80s supernatural slasher.  And if that’s not enough, Dokken plays the title track over the credits.  Dokken.

Remember how awkward you were in high school?  How your body was changing?  Your personality was changing?  You didn’t know exactly who you were while at the same time you were turning into an adult?  Dredged up those fun-filled memories?  Good.  Now, remember how there would be “After-School Specials” that would try to help you understand what was going on, that you were normal, and that adults understood what you were going through and just wanted to help?

Now imagine how much more fun those specials would have been with Freddy Krueger!

Jack Sholder’s 1985 follow up to the original is the outlier of the series.  This installment bears almost no resemblance to the other seven films. While most see this as a drawback, I give the filmmaker’s credit for being brave enough to try something new and delivering a decent film at the same time.

Five years after the Nancy Thompson’s ordeal, Jesse (Mark Patton) and family have moved into the infamous 1428 Elm Street home.  Jesse is having trouble settling into the house and even more trouble sleeping.  But that’s just because it’s unusually hot in his room, right?  WRONG!  Fred Krueger (Robert Englund) now “Freddy,” wants to continue his unholy campaign of vengeance against the Elm Street kids.  Only now he wants to kill them in the real world, through the liberal use and complete transmogrification of Jesse’s body.  Which is to say Jesse will become a Were-Freddy.

I am completely serious.

Sholder does not give Freddy a lot of release in this film, going for a more suspenseful, creepy vibe.  It’s an interesting approach as the audience is not entirely sure that Freddy is committing these murders, or if Jesse is simply insane.  The downside is there isn’t as much violence as slasher fans have come to appreciate, though it still features a higher body count than part 5.  This is due, in no small part, to the veritable smorgasbord of teenage flesh that Freddy eviscerates at the poolside barbecue.

What makes this film so memorable is not the violence, or even Englund’s standard excellent performance, but the way in which the plot plays out like an “After School Special” about a young man coming to grips with his sexuality, or in the case of this film, doesn’t.  It starts off quietly, with a few male locker room scenes and one harmless pants-ing incident.  Then there’s the scene of Jesse unpacking to “All Night Long” and dancing until Lisa (Kim Myers) shows up and all the fun is over.  And then, there’s Coach Schneider’s (Marshall Bell) S & M proclivities, bar meeting, and then shower room bondage/death scene.  Look at the way Jesse and Grady (Robert Rusler) behave: they clearly aren’t interested in attracting women.

Consider: the two times Freddy manifests and kills people one on one are when Jesse is alone with men.  Freddy’s tongue pops out when Jesse’s is making out with Kim, but only to scare Jesse away into the safety of Grady and his seemingly leather comforter.  It’s only when Kim smothers Jesse with her love that he is able to quash his own natural proclivities and pretend that he’s straight, which his sub-conscious then rejects with the final scene.

Sholder insists that the homosexual subtext was unintentional, while Englund claims the contrary.  Either way, it makes this installment all the more interesting, or at the very least, perfect for a drinking game.