Razor Blade Smile

This movie starts out with a flashback-where we know it's the past because it's in black and white-in which a young woman shoots a guy (who shot another guy), then he bites her and turns her into a vampire. Yep, that pretty much sums up the movie.

Wait, you want more?

Ok, then toss in a totally sweet 80's music video opening, absurd psychedelic backgrounds and all. Enter our main character, Lilith Silver, played with quivering lipped over-acting by Eileen Daly. Seriously, her lower lip trembles at every vowel. Anyhow, Lilith divides her time between hanging out at the Goth Club where they play Bauhaus, and picking up contracts in her latex kill-suit and thigh high boots.

LILITH: I bet you think you know all about vampires. Believe me, you know fuck-all.

There's a plot in here... somewhere. I want to tell you more. I really do. It involves some Illuminati rings. . . and some sex scenes. The sex scenes at least don't feel like some of the directors friends from the club showed up to be paid in pizza and beer. They're actually a whole other kind of depressing.

Lilith is bisexual so there's two of them. One depressing and sad sex scene with a pallid, not-quite-at-the-gym-enough type of guy that she adores, and the other with a pretty girl who she just kills.

This whole movie is filmed like the music video for the Smith's The Boy With The Thorn in His Side. From the weird angles that someone thought were avaunt guard, to the crappy lighting that supposed to be authentic and edgy, the movie wants so badly to be shot by Tony Scott. And all the while, Lilith narrates the entire thing with an overwrought tone that screams "nobody ever liked me in high school."

Tie all this together with a half-assed murder mystery, in which the only real mystery is why Lilith hasn't yet been arrested, what with the trail of bodies she leaves behind-and you have a formula for c-grade-movie awesome.

With amazingly bad writing, sub-par British acting, and terribly filtered day-for-night shooting, what's not to love? Follow this up with the under appreciated John Landis movie Innocent Blood, and you have a recipe for a hell of a Cavalcade.