You have to hand it to any movie that can make a man who kills hundreds of people a week the most sympathetic character in the story.

That’s more or less the goal of Gamer, a movie where a killing machine with a heart of gold, branded as Kable (Gerard Butler) by the evil corporate video game he is trapped in, must kill his way to freedom.

The game, called “Slayers,” takes convicted felons and throws them into a penned off combat zone where they are controlled by over-privileged, over-wired 17-year-olds. If they are successfully piloted for 30 games, they win their freedom, something that’s never happened, though Kable has come close.

In between lessons on how to keep fight sequences from getting dull, because they’re most of the movie, there’s lacerating satire. In fact, the opening sequence has people actually bunny hopping and tea-bagging their opponents like those jackasses you see all the time in online games.

Topping that winning combination are supporting characters of pure uncut greatness, including Michael C. Hall chewing on scenery with a Southern drawl and using phrases like “a cock-solid 68%,” as Ken Castle. He even has a song and dance number to Sinatra’s Under My Skin that blends into a fight sequence.

Kyra Sedgwick plays Gina Parker Smith, a journalist loyal only to herself. While  Ludacris rounds out the cast as Humanz Brother, the leader of the rebel faction bent on bringing down the system that allows Slayers, and it’s Second Life-like counterpart-”Society”, where people go for this world’s version of cybersex-to exist.

Like The Running Man before him, Kable isn’t getting off as easy “30 games and your out,” as Castle is needs Kable dead-or at lest under his control-so he can essentially control the world with Nanex, the micro-machines that allow all this gaming goodness to happen. Nano-bots being to modern sci-fi what “nuclear” was to sci-fi in the 50’s.

While the plot needlessly diverges in places, there are some truly great moments. One in particular stands out: After a punishing match filled with bullets and bodies, they jump-cut to thousands of people around the world cheering. It’s a grotesque sight that left me feeling queasy, as good satire should.

One of the best parts of this movie is spotting all the cameos. John de Lancie, Allison Lohman, Terry Crews all make appearances. But the cherry on top: Milo Ventimiglia as Rick Rape, a latex fetishist that gets Bane-broken over Kable’s knee.

While most of the “social commentary” the film has to offer has been done before, and done better (Rollerball, Death Race 2000), if you check your brain at the door, this is a sweet blow-some-s***-up action fest.  You could easily pair it with the another Gerard Butler absurd-violence-vehicle like 300 or  Law Abiding Citizen. If you wanted to go a more cerebral route, you could go with another surprisingly subversive film, Josie and the Pussy Cats. (Really?-The Management)

After the smash success that was Event 22: Video Games, we’re ready to roll on through to the other side with 3 fantastic options for the next great party!

Action: Bloodsports

Gamer (2009) : Our bridging movie is also the closest we’ve come to a theatrical release. In the near-future, humans can control other humans in mass-scale, multi-player online gaming environments, a star player from a game called “Slayers” looks to regain his independence while taking down the game’s mastermind.

Rollerball (2002): It is the year 2005. The new sport of Rollerball, an extraordinarily violent extension of roller derby involving motorcycles, a metal ball, and many trappings of the World Wrestling Federation-is hugely popular. This is a remake of a 1975 cult classic and it…well…is spectacular in its suckitude.

Alternates: The Running Man (1987), The Condemned (2007),

Sci-Fi: Future Cops

Virtuosity (1995): Some of the most A-list talent we’ve ever had in a feature…well, before one of the was “A-list.” A virtual villain’s successful attempt to escape into the “real world,” SID 6.7, the villain program (Russell Crowe), is eventually transplanted into an android body and escapes. A reinstated police officer played by Denzel Washington, is given the chance to catch him.

Judge Dredd (1995): An adaptation of the UK Comic that takes place in a dystopian future, Dredd (Sylvester Stallone), the most famous judge (a cop with instant field judiciary powers) is convicted for a crime he did not commit while his murderous counterpart escapes.

Alternates: Split Second (1992), Runaway (1984)

Horror: Virtual Reality

Apparently, computers still scare people, because they keep making horror movies about the dangers of the internet, computers, and VR. Hell, does anybody even develop VR stuff anymore?

Ghost Machine (2009) : A special forces cadet (Rachael Taylor), a professional gamer, a security guard, and two computer techs battle a vengeful spirit that has infected their stolen military software.

Brainscan (1994): A teenager (Edward Furlong) is part of an interactive video game where he kills innocent victims. Later, the murders become real. Goretastic!

Alternates: Lawnmower Man (1992), Mindwarp (1992)

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How do you fight undead robbers?  With undead cops, of course!

Treat Williams plays L.A. police detective Roger Mortis (No, really, that’s his name) with partner Doug Bigelow (Joe Piscopo!) as they investigate why they can’t seem to kill the bad guys as effectively as they used to.  These investigations lead them to Dante Laboratories, which has developed a process for resurrecting the dead for twelve hours.  After a losing fight with the fattest zombie this side of Zombieland, Mortis is killed.  But, then brought back to life by his coroner ex-girlfriend (Clare Kirkconnell) and the most user-friendly resurrection machine ever.  Now, Mortis has twelve hours to solve the case and avenge his own death in a Hawaiian shirt.

Written by Terry Black , Shane’s brother, Dead Heat has a similar action/comedy feel to his brother’s Lethal Weapon, but with zombies.  And such zombies they are!  The opening jewelry store heist features two punk zombie robbers wearing BDSM leather masks!  (Their safe word is “Braaaaaaiiiiinnnnnssssss.”)

But this is nothing compared to the undead hijinks that occur at a Chinese restaurant.  You know all the dead ducks that are hanging in the window?  Or the pigs?  Or the sides of beef?  Yeah.  Good times.  Wait, no, I mean gross times.  Very, very gross.  How do you kill zombie animals with no heads?

Throughout, Williams grounds the whole movie with the ability to take anything that is thrown at him seriously.  The man is not phased by anything.  This is a valuable skill when Joe Piscopo (with an 80s mullet) is delivering some of the best wise-ass remarks in the history of motion pictures.  Watching this film, it’s hard to understand why Piscopo did not fare better in Hollywood.  The man is a scream.  Especially during an exchange with Williams that shows the deep, profundity of cross-dressing jokes between two partners.  Police partners, I mean.  Heterosexual police partners, I mean.  You get the idea.

Added into the mix are performances by the always entertaining Vincent Price(!), Darren McGavin, Keye Luke , and Robert Picardo.  These appearances are almost cameos but they’re all memorable.

In fairness, the movie does play more like it was made for TV, as opposed to a big budget feature but I think this adds to its charm.  Similar to Creepshow .  Dead Heat is a great little horror flick to enjoy on a Saturday afternoon.