This is precisely the sort of movie I would make if I wanted something kids could watch in awe, while the adults laugh themselves silly.

Starting out with some SETI-style researchers-who only took the job because they wouldn’t have to do anything-end up having their plans foiled when they detect a U.F.O. It turns out to be a meteorite that crashes into Earth, specially on top of Susan Murphy (Reese Witherspoon), turning her into a 50-foot-tall woman.

Oh, and ruining her wedding.

In short order, the usual black helicopter goons show up and whisk Susan off to the secret government lab, where she meets all the great b-monsters of the 1950’s. B.O.B the blob (Seth Rogan)-a lovable pile of sentient goo, Dr. Cockroach (Hugh Laurie )-a not-too-subtle reference to The Fly, The Missing Link (Will Arnett)-who is more Creature from the Black Lagoon than walking ape, and Insectasaurous-the requisite giant monster that resembles nothing less than the product of an unholy union of a gerbil, a puffer fish, and a ladybug. These characters are wardened by the hysterically funny Gen. W.R. Monger, played with verve by Keifer Sutherland-who, quite frankly, sounds like he wrestled a bull by the horns, took said horns, and carved them into the microphone he used to record his voice over.

Apparently the Monster crew has been sequestered for some time, only to be released when the world is accosted by the (slightly) intelligent alien warlord, Gallaxhar (Rainn Wilson ). Their mission: Defeat Gallaxhar’s terrifying probe robot, then his army of very stupid clones, and finally Gallaxhar himself. I’m not really spoiling anything when I tell you they win. It’s a kids movie after all. That’s not really the point, it’s not that they win, but how.

Full of hysterical sight gags, clever bits of dialogue (“This place is an X-file, wrapped in a cover-up and deep-fried in a paranoid conspiracy!“), a dash of satire, and a surprising number of adult contemporary hits. Phrases like “Code Nimoy! Code Nimoy!” are frequently mixed-in with references to Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Beverly Hills Cop-nevermind the fact that the entire movie is a nod to Dr. Strangelove. Even so, there’s a good balance between the referential pop-culture humor and jokes that stand on their own. It doesn’t hurt that the supporting voice cast is top notch as well, with Stephen Colbert, Paul Rudd, and Ed Helms all contributing.

The icing on the character cake is Susan, who does the full Sarah Connor/Ellen Ripley Hero’s Journey: going from delicate flower to destroyer of robots and stomper of alien ass. More importantly, she realizes she doesn’t need a man to make her happy. You go, girl!

We don’t do “family” movies on the Cavalcade often, but when one comes down the pike that has so many nods to the movies that inspired our love of schlocktacular cinema, we have to take a look. Fortunately, this movie’s great on all levels. If you were to Cavalcade it, feel free to mix and match it with one of the fore-mentioned 50’s romps, Monsters Inc., or Bolt-which has even more nods to Hollywood b-movies.

Let’s play a game.

Imagine you are the last living descendent of H.P. Lovecraft. Now imagine that you are stuck in a dead-end office job with no hope for a better future and no real knowledge of your literary legacy.  Now into this life, an old man approaches with a relic and a dire warning.  He tells you that all the fantastic creatures, ancient terrors, and elder gods in your ancestor’s writings are real. Of course, you don’t believe him.

Then fish people attack your friends.

Now nightmare beings, and other who-knows-what are intent on your death and the destruction of, well…everything. Oh, and you’ve been entrusted with this relic that is supposed to save the world.

This is exactly what happens to Jeff, the hero of The Last Lovecraft: Relic of Cthulu. The film follows his subsequent adventures as he and his friends try to keep the relic safe and away from those who wish to free Cthulu and unleash him on an unsuspecting world. Of course, they do this by… going on a road trip!

First-time writer Devin McGinn, known mostly for his television appearances on shows like Bones and Wizards of Waverly Place, penned the script for this seemingly epic tale of the struggle of three friends to protect the world from death and inevitable insanity. Director Henry Saine’s first feature-length movie was a hit at this year’s Slamdance,  and was picked up by the Mpi Media Group. They will be releasing it sometime this fall through their Dark Sky label for a brief theatrical run, followed by DVD and VOD releases. Even though we don’t have a solid release date, they’ve recently established an online presence (http://thelastlovecraft.com/) and released the official trailer. Check it out:

With its blend of slapstick comedy and Lovecraftian horror, we’ve got high hopes for this one!

There’s so much in this movie that I don’t know quite where to start.  Let’s start with the basics: worshipers of the ancient, Aztec god Quetzalcoatl , have been performing sacrifices and as a result have brought “Q” back to life.  Q is a 40-foot-long winged serpent that has set up shop in the Chrysler building and uses the New York skyline as her own buffet.  The NYPD had their hands full between investigating the ritual murders before heads, arms, and blood start raining from the sky.

Starring as our stalwart police detectives are none other than David “Kwai Chang Caine” Carradine and Richard “Shaft” Roundtree.  What’s more, they are playing pre-Giuliani New York police detectives, so not only are they jaded, not only are they underpaid and grouchy, but they (and the city as a whole) look completely rumpled and dirty.

Part of what makes this film-and the majority of director Larry Cohen’s pictures-so fascinating, is how Cohen presents ludicrous events and how something very closely resembling the real world would react to them.  There are no secret agents, clandestine government agencies, covert religious sects or chosen saviors in the film.  There is only an over-worked and incredulous police force.  There is a gigantic flying lizard literally picking people off of rooftops and all Carradine can do is research the ritual killings, interview history professors, and put together a theory that just happens to be correct, no matter how insane it appears.  When Carradine and company finally do track down Q, the assault on the bird feels more like a police raid than a climactic battle between man and the wrath of nature.  But, that is exactly what makes the film so interesting.  Well, that and Michael Moriarty.

Older readers will remember Moriarty as the original ADA on Law & Order back before Sam Waterson (my favorite of Jim Henson’s Muppets) took over.  Q began a long working relationship between he and Cohen which included The Stuff and Cohen’s episode of the Showtime’s horror anthology series Masters of Horror: “Pick Me Up.” Moriarty plays Jimmy Quinn, the greatest asshole ever.  Mere words cannot do justice to hope thoroughly and exquisitely annoying Jimmy Quinn is.  You have to imagine the dread combination of Veruca Salt , Walter Peck, Ellis Carver, Carter Burke, Biff Tannen, and Chet Donnelly… exposed to gamma rays.  Quinn is a former addict/full-time loser who happens upon Q’s nest and uses the information to extort money from the city of New York.  Along the way, he will push every single button in your soul until you wish you were the man with knife at his throat.  I honestly do not know why Moriarty was not nominated for such a performance.

If that is not enough, be sure to keep an eye out for some of the greatest reaction shots from the cheapest New York local actors.  It’s a wonderful combination of bad acting and imitation Ray Harryhausen special effects.  And, remember, body parts falling from the sky!