Whatever happened to Fairuza Balk?

With a sultry mixture of 1-part-sexy-to-2-parts-insane-firecracker, she was poised to become “the next big thing” there for awhile in the late-90’s/early-2000’s. Then poof! She’s gone.

Personally, I blame it on The Island of Dr. Moreau remake. Ironically that picture dropped only 4 months after the one that will probably go down as her most memorable (and profitable) role.

When this picture dropped in May of ‘96, it was actually kind of a big deal. With modest, but sizable money thrown behind it, and a cast comprising many of the 90’s young up and comers. The fact that the majority didn’t end up doing much is beside the point.

Starting out with your standard teen angst formula, Sarah (Robin Tunney) moves to LA from San Francisco with her father and Stepmother, both of whom almost immediately disappear from the movie, only for the father to reappear at the end. It’s established fairly quickly that she’s got a “troubled past” involving suicide attempts and depression over her mother’s death, and this move is an attempt at a fresh start. Before long, she’s meeting the other Hollywood versions of “social misfits” that will make up her coven, in other words: girls who are intelligent and beautiful enough to be prom queens anywhere in the real world. Neve Campbell was so deep into her hotness at the time that they had to put a scarred makeup appliance on her back to try and explain why every guy in the school wasn’t drooling over themselves to get to her.

Eventually Fairuza, who’s already channeling seven kinds of Nicholson psycho, talks the rest of her circle into “Invoking the spirit”, which involves inviting a supernatural being named Manon to hitch a ride on your soul, giving you access to all sorts of freaky mojo in the process.

The metaphor here is fairly clear: Girls, give it up to the right guy and you can move shit with your mind.

To everyone except the audience’s surprise, the power rush gives Fairuza a head rush, she gets even nuttier, and hijinks ensue. Reading this brief synopsis, you can easily see that yes, this movie is a slave to formula, but hey-you could tell that from the trailers.

But is it worth watching?

Fairuza’s hyper-manic performance is certainly worthy enough to check out, especially seeing as how it would drive her career forward.  Those of the Wiccan persuasion will enjoy seeing a movie that initially pays reverent homage to the religion-right before it skull-fucks it, Hollywood-style, to get the creaky plot rolling along. Rachel True has to get a special mention, not only because her characterization is the most screwed by the bad script and/or editing, but I’m just that big a fan. Otherwise, it’s predictable, and not that exciting. While its fine for a rental, it’s just not good enough to love, and not bad enough for a Cavalcade event.

Note: This movie is the primary reason why we ended up with the cheesecake show, Charmed, for all those years. Hell, they even went so far as to crib the opening theme from the movie and use it on the show. Depending on your feelings for that production, this is either a blessing or a curse.

The Setup

With the Halloween Event clearing the decks, and the Holiday Event right around the corner, we were left with the uniquely free month of November. Being unencumbered by any need to bridge the previous theme or setup the next, we elected to go for the underrepresented subject of Witches. This proved to be both interesting and difficult, as there aren’t a whole mess of movies to choose from. Especially since we ruled out anything with The Blair Witch right at the start. Full Moon has two full “Witch” series, but “Witchboard” doesn’t really involve witches at all, and the “Witchcraft” series has basically become soft-core porn. But let’s get back to the actual subject at hand, shall we?

For the purposes of our event, we’re really only looking at two kinds of Witches:

The Devil’s Concubines

(Suspiria, The Naked Witch, Warlock)

These women (and men) have made some kind of deal, usually through some kind of sex act in the more exploitative pictures, with El Diablo in exchange for powers both great and unnatural. Usually the price for such things involves Beezebubba’s favorite bit o’ the currency: Souls. However, sometimes other deals are struck, like having his baby.

The Wiccans

(Blair Witch [possibly])

Instead of acquiring power through devilish means, these witches commune directly with the spirit of the earth itself. Well, a spirit, at least. Gaia apparently has middle-management just like everybody else. Frequently these women are actually the protagonists of the pictures, unless they get jiggy with the wrong earth spirit and get all corrupted with power. But that only ever happens in every story.

The Formula

Wether the witches in said picture are the heroes or villains of the tale, the stories start off the same: Always in a quaint suburban setting, with a lot of trees and hills. It’s an idyllic town, by which of course I mean that everything is perfect on the surface, but a quagmire just beneath, such as in your average Tim Burton or David Lynch picture.

Teenage witches have to deal with all the high school story tropes: They’re an outsider, picked on and downtrodden by the usual assortment of jocks, popular kids, and bullies. Though frankly, that’s just about *any *movie with teenagers in it. But adult witches also tend to have similar stories. Considered unremarkable until infused with magical sensuality.

Then we have the “superhero” section of the film, where our characters revel in their power, taking advantage of it at every opportunity. This keeps on escalating until “The Turn”, where somebody goes to far-causing pain and liking it. The only difference between the films where the witch is the hero or villain is who takes the turn, in the former case it will be a close friend.

To be fair, lest you think these films are completely formulaic, a large section of devil’s concubine witches did their evil turn before the picture even started, and are thus only after souls or precious bodily fluids.

The Menu

The Booze:Witches Brew, Magic Hat no.9

While there are admittedly more than a few beers in the “witch” theme, we really wanted to have something we could stir up in a cauldron. Because we at the Cavalcade embrace stereotypes rather than flee from them.

The Food: Deviled Eggs, Black Cherries

We were a bit lost on the food, to be honest. However one of our guests had the inspired notion to bring a large bowl of Black Cherries, which was a direct reference to a scene in one of our selections for the night. This of course provides an excellent segue-way for…

The Movies

The Craft (1996): A fairly typical teen horror movie, only this time with witches! Scarily enough, this movie was a primary inspiration for the seven years worth of jiggly-goodness that was Charmed. It falls distinctly in the “wiccan” class of witch movies, and was actually one of the earlier movies to do so. You could call it a trailblazer in that sense, if only it wasn’t such a stupid film.

Witches of Eastwick (1987): Another silly one, but seeing as how it’s a comedy, it’s allowed to be. Featuring Jack Nicholson doing what he does best: Riffing on himself as the devil, the movie also features Susan Sarandon, Michelle Pheiffer, and a before-she-got-scary Cher as the suzy-homemakers who spread their legs for Jackie-boy. An enjoyable romp that put a whole new spin on “Have another cherry.”

Suggested Alternatives

The Witches (1966): After a run-in with some tribal witch-doctors, a school teacher accepts a position with a private school located in the quiet English countryside and run by a brother-sister team who seem nice enough. Of course, they aren’t all that nice after all, and before you know it there’s a dead kid and a voodoo doll.

Warlock (1989): Playing fast and loose with the witch-mythos, this strangely beloved B-movie developed quite the cult following for a while and generated 2 sequels that had pretty much nothing to do with the original. Featuring Julian Sands as the titular Warlock, it’s got time-travel, Satan worship, and tongue-biting. Quite the gore-fest actually.

Every Friday we’re going to scour the worst of the worst to watch on Netflix Streaming and live blog the event through our Twitter feed (@cavalcadeos).

Considering the last movie I watched for the live stream event involved a Psychic Prostitute with a Bullet Wound in her face walkng around and having sex with a bunch of people while having visions, I decided to stay away from sexploitation flicks this week, instead heading over to the Supernatural Thriller section of my Netflix Streaming queue, where I came across The Surge:

Four teenagers develop paranormal abilities after channeling a mystical stone of unknown origin found deep in the woods. Their minds and bodies surge with newfound power and energy, and they go from social outcasts to gods at their high school, marveling in their new mental abilities and heightened physical strength. But as they develop an insatiable thirst for absolute power, they learn first-hand about its deadly consequences.

That’s right, this movie is a low-rent version of The Craft, because that’s such a timeless classic that it needs it’s own ripoff! I’d love to show you a trailer, but honestly? I can’t find one.

The Live blog event will start today at 2pm EST.