Split Second

Is there anyone here who does not worship and adore Rutger Hauer? No? Good, if there were I would hope you’d go somewhere else because this website is simply not for you.  Everyone has a favorite Hauer film.  Some may enjoy his role as the terrorist baddy, Wulfgar, in Sylvester Stallone’s Nighthawks.  Others may remember him as the cursed knight in Ladyhawke . I bet everyone here loved him as Roy Batty in Blade Runner .  I love him as John Ryder in (the real) The Hitcher .  But my absolute favorite Hauer performance is homicide detective Harley Stone in Split SecondSplit Second is set “far in the future” of 2008 when global warming has caused flooding in London of biblical proportions.  Everyone walks around wearing waders.  Stone is hot on the trail a serial killer who murdered his partner.  After having witnessed the slaying and been powerless to prevent it, Stone now survives on “anxiety, coffee, and chocolate.” Seriously, that’s all he consumes through the entire film and he consumes A LOT of it.  And you would too if you saw the H.R. Giger-inspired monster that is murdering random Londoners and eating their hearts.  Doesn’t a movie get ten times better when the bad guy eats his victims’ hearts? For those of you who wish to dress as Harley Stone for Halloween, you will need:

  • A leather trenchcoat (complete with impossible 80s shoulder pads)
  • Black leather pants (in flood conditions!  They must shrink like there’s no tomorrow.)
  • Black Lennon-style sunglasses (which he wears even in an unlit sewer)
  • Fingerless gloves (but only on one hand)
  • Oversized boots with silly buckles
  • Cigars (which he lights with a blowtorch)
  • Carrying no less than three gigantic guns at all times (don’t worry they pick up bigger ones at the end)
  • Awesome hair

You may have guessed looking at the cover that he is a lone wolf that plays by his own rules.  His superior relates how he has been fired from every hellhole on the planet and that he is “the best” to his new partner, Dick Durkin.  Let’s take a moment and reflect on that name.  Alastair Duncan’s performance as Dick Durkin is so much fun that he nearly steals the movie. Durkin has all sorts of psychological theories on our 7 foot tall, heart eating killer.  The best part of the film may be when Durkin, the heretofore straight-laced, by the book, intellectual, comes face to face with the monster and goes as bug-nuts as Stone, eating chocolate and downing coffee like there’s no tomorrow.  All of the sudden, we understand that Stone hasn’t been crazy.  He’s just been dealing with the situation as “normal,” sane individuals are supposed to.  You never see that sort of a change over in movies. Okay, so the plot is simplistic and almost pointless in the face of Hauer’s performance, the concept behind the plot is overused, the budget is particularly low and the sets seem to be one rung above a Troma film, but there is Rutger and a pretty sweet monster. If nothing else, Kim Cattrall is our female lead so there’s a guarantee of a nude scene!