Idle Hands

When both the slow stalking pace of Halloween and the deliberately studied atmospheric feel of Pumpkinhead failed to energize the crowd for Cavalcade Event 8 and frankly, I was getting worried. Fortunately, the crowd was willing to step once more into the breach… and I had just the picture.

Featuring Devon SawaSeth GreenVivica A. Fox, and Jessica Alba’s ass, Idle Hands tells the tale of Anton Tobias (Sawa)-a teenaged slacker who’s primary daily concern is how little can he do, and how stoned can he be while doing it. Life is good for Anton, especially since his parents haven’t been bugging him lately about silly things like going to school and what he plans to do after graduation. Of course, this is most likely because they’ve been killed and stashed away for the last few days.

In short order, we find out they’ve been murdered by his right hand while he was asleep. Apparently Anton is so lazy, the devil got into his right hand and did what the devil does-no, not masturbate-commit bloody murder and play mind games with the protagonist.

Meanwhile, Anton’s buddies Pnub (Elden Henson) and Mick (Green)-also fine upstanding citizens stoners-are doing much the same thing in their basement, though they've been clued-in to the fact that somebody’s been going around killing a bunch of people. They find out it’s their good buddy Anton (well, his hand) fairly soon, right around the time he stabs Mick in the face with a broken bottle and chops off Pnub’s head with a saw blade. But they don’t hold it against him when they come back as zombies (because heaven was, to quote “really far!”).

All this, and we haven’t  gotten to Vivica A. Fox’s throwaway role of the Druid chasing down the evil hand. I say “throwaway” because she’s only in the movie to say the best line in the picture, and walk off again. It’s barely more than a cameo. Oh, and did I mention Jessica Alba’s ass? I don’t usually go on about something like this, but the Director was obviously fond of it, because he essentially gave it star billing by carefully angling every shot she’s in to showcase it. Seriously, it should get its own credit in the picture.

This move is, simply put, brilliantly idiotic. It is not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination, save for our purposes, where it’s perfect. It moves quickly, doesn’t take itself seriously, is competently filmed (a rarity in our more recent selections), and has as many shots of Jessica Alba in cute little outfits as they could possibly fit. After getting such a slow start, this movie revamped Event 8 enough that we went for an unprecedented 4th feature: Evil Toons!

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